3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
why do cheetos always look like penises
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
