Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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