Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I forget how to act sober
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
