their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
