the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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