Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I skipped work to stalk him.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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