one might say we're banned from that church
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
