Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
