Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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