I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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