i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
