That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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