Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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