my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Is Oprah even human
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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