bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
