1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
