If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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