My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
