looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
