And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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