This girl is more easily done than said...
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
