Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
