Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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