i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
How does one acquire holy water?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I currently don't understand fingers.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
