when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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