Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
