I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
