Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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