My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
cat food counts as protein by the way
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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