Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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