why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
