Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
