I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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