I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
