Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
