I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
