He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
we're so committed to being not committed
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