pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
