haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
