It's like God shit irony all over that family
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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