my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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