Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize