i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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