May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
