hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
