Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
