She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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