Can i not drive my cunt home
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
