So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Congratulations! We have a period
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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