I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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