Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
