she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Dicks are not precious.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
