its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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