So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
