just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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