I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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