Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
