When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
