I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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