apparently the secret to your success is patron
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
